The Gay Gadgets Catalog

My burgeoning catalog empire has just added a new division - the Gay Gadgets Catalog. It features electronic devices and fabulous inventions. They're invented by gay mad scientists, manufactured in hellish third world slave labor camps, not available in stores, discounted and marketed directly to you, the sheep-like gay consumer, who will buy anything so long as it's got a rainbow on it.

The Trick Caller-ID will let you know with its easy-to-read LED display who's that waking you up with a phone call. Unlike conventional caller-IDs, which display only a name, The Trick Caller-ID utilizes patented GayDar technology to let you know if it's a trick calling or just an ex-lover. And of course it's got full call blocking capabilities, with rejection messages in three levels of bitchiness.

Our Electronic Cruising Binocuars automatically target hot guys. Just look through their precision-ground optics and a prism system superimposes graphics indicating the presence of hunks. The device is adjustable for a range of tastes, from "chicken" to "gymbot" to "bear."

For those of you who like to cruise the evenings away in the park, our Nite-Vision Mirror Shades will have you looking cool with a sunglasses after dark look. No more stumbling over roots, branches, or people writhing on the ground. You'll be seeing in the dark.

Ever see a cute guy walking his pooch, but when you tried to get his attention, he ignored you? Our Ultrasonic Dog Attractor will draw the beast to you, dragged by his pet. And the device is reversible - it can also drive away those you'd prefer to be ignored by.

Automatic breadmakers are so passe. Our BoulangeAmatic takes the ingredients you dump into a hopper and produces perfect croissants that pass muster even with the pickiest Frenchman. Buttery, delectable, and piping hot - don't you wish you had one now?

The Hi-Tek Home Gym Experience repoduces going out to the gym without the hassle of actually going. It's a total immersion experience. Headphones pound with the most annoying techno music, goggles give you visuals of annoying gym queens giving attitude, and since there's no actual exercise equipment included, it'll be just like waiting to get on the machines at any over-subscribed gym.

Just sign up on our mailing list and we'll never stop sending you catalogs, selling your address to other catalogs, and mistakenly shipping you things you never ordered. You'll love it!


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